Some people don't know the difference between an office zombie and a real zombie. The common office zombie may resemble the living dead, but don't be fooled. Mind-numbing boredom may have destroyed his higher cognitive abilities, but the office zombie is nowhere near as hostile. The danger here is that familiarity may breed complacency, and if you should ever encounter a real animated corpse, the differences may prove fatal. These are some key differences:

• Office zombies eat donuts. Real zombies eat human flesh.
• Both office zombies and real zombies make moaning noises. However, office zombies usually stop after they've had their coffee.
• Real zombies are created by infected zombie bites. Office zombies are created by weekly status meetings.
• Office zombies are essentially uninterested in you. Real zombies are very interested in you, as a meal.
• Office zombies are capable of conversation, however inane it may be. Real zombies are mindless husks that can't form words.
• Office zombies may make biting remarks. Real zombies will take a bite out of your arm.
• Both office zombies and real zombies have a shambling, uncoordinated walk. However, office zombies are drawn to chairs, and will sit in one at the first opportunity. Real zombies will follow prey without stopping to rest.
• Office zombies may seem oblivious to the world, but if you cut off an arm, they'll react to the pain.
• Office zombies may occasionally smell bad, but not compared to the stench of a rotting corpse.